Addictions and compulsions can be devastating. This is true not only for those caught in a painful cycle of behaviour that they can not control, but for family and loved ones as well. It can be difficult for everybody, including the affected individual, to understand why certain actions such as drug/alcohol misuse, compulsive cleaning, gambling, repeated touching, an obsession with numerical sequences or other behaviours are repeated again and again - even when it seems to be making matters worse. Because of this difficulty to understand for those who have never experienced any type of compulsion, the love and support that they are able to offer may be somewhat limited. There usually comes a time when even the most understanding and

accepting of partner or family member becomes frustrated, angry, or just generally loses patience with a sufferer’s apparent inability to move forward or break these cycles.

As if such a destructive pattern of behaviours, and the awareness that you are being watched and judged by others isn’t difficult enough, for many matters are much worse. The reason for this is that many times these behavioural cycles are accompanied by distressing thoughts, ideas or feelings. This additional psychological element can be very difficult to speak to others about because of their personal nature and worries about how others might judge you, as well as deep feelings of guilt or shame. These often quite disturbing thoughts can take many forms. For some they may be very real, barely covered memories of your own distressing past that you are tying to keep buried while for others they may be fears of something yet to come. For example you might have a deep fear that something harmful will befall someone you love, deeply disturbing images and visualisations of sexual or violent acts, and an gnawing fear that if a specific set of actions are not completed in full, that these deeply disturbing, uncontrollable, and very much unwanted fantasies might actually happen.

Whatever your feelings or fears, trying to explain them or why you are unable to control certain behavioural cycles to others is usually a fairly futile exercise. The common response from most people - however well intentioned their motives are - is to try and appeal to your sense of logic and/or social responsibility. But as anyone who has ever found themselves locked into such cycles knows, frothy logical appeal from loved ones has no bearing at all. It is almost impossible to explain that what you are experiencing doesn’t respond to logic, and that their well meaning but misplaced appeals make absolutely no difference. What’s more, when the response of someone you love is to appeal over and over again for you to see things logically, it often has the tendency to create even deeper feelings of shame, fear, inadequacy and guilt. Should the types of behaviours in question include self harming - such as cutting, pinching, pulling out hair, punching yourself or other, similar behaviours, these additional shameful feelings are compounded tenfold.

If you are reading this, it is likely that you or someone you love is suffering in this way. I offer a compassion and understanding that can help you find a way out. With me, you will find someone who is able to listen to your experiences in all of their fullness and complexity without having to worry about being judged in any way. I can offer you the patience and space to explore what is happening to any depth, and at any pace that is right for you. I believe it is important that each individual is allowed to go at their own speed and choose just at what level they wish to find themselves. Here, there are no time scales, no pressure or expectations of what you have talk about at any given time and no right or wrong way of being you. Most importantly, here you will find an understanding companion with whom you can find a way to live life in the way you wish to – and no longer be limited only to what your fears and needs of behaviour allow. Coming to understand addictive/compulsive behaviour is not always easy and I do not make any promises of quick fix solutions. However, if you would like to live life in the way you see others do, if you would like to no longer be trapped within the glass prison of your own uncontrollable needs and fears, then I would like you to know that a way out is possible. There is no longer any need to suffer all of this on your own.

Counselling for addictions and repetitive / compulsive behaviours can be done either with the individual alone, or in conjunction with relationship and family counselling. Regarding chemical addictions, whilst it is true than some people may require medical attention and detoxification, this is by no means necessary in all cases. In addition, for behaviours of an addictive nature I am very sympathetic with the work done through 12 step fellowships such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous etc… and am happy to work alongside the 12 step program of recovery. If you would like to ask any questions about how I might be able to help with addictions or compulsions of any nature, I would be more than happy to discuss this with you by telephone prior to making an initial appointment with no obligation to you. Please feel free call me at my Bishops Stortford office on 01279 83 44 67 at any time.

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