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Relationship Counselling
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When going well, our personal relationships can
provide a great sense of security, fulfilment and comfort. However, there
are times when even the most stable of relationships can go through a
difficult period. Circumstances such as endless circular arguments that go
round and round without resolution, an affair, the pressures of raising a
family and a myriad of other life events can present us with difficulties
that push us beyond that which we can comfortably handle on our own. Since
1996 I have successfully helped hundreds of couples still wishing to remain
together but who have lost sight of how to do that on their own, find a way
through their difficulties despite how hopeless things might have seemed at
the start of counselling.
After weeks or months of trying to sort out a troubled
relationship to no avail, it can feel as if you’ve reached a dead end and
that there is nowhere to turn. To make matters worse, finding the type of
impartial assistance you need is rarely straight forward. Approaching
friends or family to act as mediators or lay counsellors usually results in
speaking to someone who is
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slightly biased in favour
one partner or the other - and this tends to be true no
matter how genuine their desire to be of help. Because
of their closeness to both parties involved, and the
difficulties they face in splitting loyalties, these
very people who we (quite rightly) might choose to
confide in or seek advice from for our own personal
difficulties, are not necessarily the best choice when
it comes to seeking help with our relationships.
In addition to the above, there is another potential
danger in seeking help from people too close to the
relationship in that it can sometimes result in causing
more problems than it solves – not only for the
difficulties within your original primary relationship,
but also within the relationships of those in who you’ve
confided or sought help from. This is particularly true
should you choose to not follow their advice or handle
things differently from the way they think you should.
Quite aside from these potential pitfalls of seeking
help from those close to you, is the important and
simple consideration that you may desire to keep the
difficulties in your relationship private and wish to
ensure that what is happening in your relationship will
not become a topic of gossip within your extended
family, at the playground or in the local pub. For all
of these reasons then, more often than not assistance
with relationship difficulties is best sought from an
independent professional counsellor - and preferably one
with specific training and experience in dealing with
relationships (which is very different from the training
counsellors/therapists receive in working with
individuals). It might also be helpful to ensure that
the counsellor you choose has any other specialised
training or experience that you might feel are needed
should such issues as alcoholism or drug addiction, a
history of abuse, anger management, violence etc… be
present for one or both partners.
Having made the decision to seek help from an
independent professional, one other major factor that
should not be underestimated in choosing who to seek
assistance from is the gender of the counsellor in
question. My personal recommendation in this arena is to
consider which partner is most likely to feel
uncomfortable speaking openly with a counsellor, or
which is most likely to be worried that the counsellor
might be biased against them - and then choose someone
of the gender that that particular partner feels most
comfortable with. After all, speaking with a stranger
about private matters is difficult enough (regardless of
their qualifications) without the additional barrier of
one partner feeling that they have to keep their guard
up. In other words, in order to achieve the most benefit
from any counselling endeavor, any steps that you can
take beforehand to minimise worries of bias, partiality
or judgment will pay off in the long run. This pay off
will not only be realised in terms of the fruitfulness
or success of the counselling process itself, but also
from a financial perspective because if you can lower
levels of defensiveness, and/or concerns about whether a
counsellor is being judgmental in any way at the
beginning, you will most likely reduce the number
sessions needed to achieve your goals and hopes. If, in
your circumstances, one or both partners is feeling
unsure about whether coming for counselling will be a
safe and positive experience, I am always happy to
arrange a short telephone conversation with both
parties prior to making an initial appointment in order
to help resolve any concerns or fears that either of you
might have.
Whether you are finding difficulties in your romantic
relationship, with a close friend, sibling, a parent, or
perhaps with a colleague in the workplace, strong
feelings can often arise which are painful and seem too
much to cope with. Through my specialised
relationship/couples counselling training with Relate,
role as a Family Consultant with the Hertfordshire
Family Law Group as well as my extensive experience
gained through practicing as a couple’s counsellor
within the Bishops Stortford area since 1996, I am well
qualified and able to provide professional, non
judgemental relationship counselling for individuals,
couples, or family groups. If you have any questions
about how relationship counselling might help you in
your situation, I would be more than happy to answer any
questions you have over the telephone without any
obligations to you. Please feel free to telephone on:
01279 83 44 67 |
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