UK Counselling Services

I can see clearly now the rain has gone….

Your standing there, umbrella in hand, the rain subsided. The wind has died down now and you are able to resume your walk, with the sun (rather beautifully) setting just over the horizon. The rain has gone. The skies are clear. Your mind is free and at peace. “Ahhhh”, you sigh. “This is what normal life feels like…” And for a moment it feels good. Really good in fact.

Then you wake with a start. You realise you’d drifted off, musing on how things might be when it’s all over. Now I don’t mean, when it’s all over for good and you’re walking up to the pearly gates. I mean when the D word is over.

Your D I V O R C E

When you are in the midst of it, (the D word that is) it feels as though it will never be over. The idea of the imagined life beyond it just doesn’t seem possible. Right now, it seems like the smart play is to simply have an umbrella up permanently to keep you dry from that day’s shower of bad news and bad vibes.

I was speaking to a friend only the other day who is about to start his divorce proceedings. He described with heavy heart the fear of long, drawn out, painful arguments and the fear of how much this was going to cost – both in financial terms as well as to his general well-being. He doubted his ability to keep working at the pace he is and be the best Dad he can be to his little boy. He was poised on the brink of his new life, umbrella in hand, ready to weather the proverbial storm…’There may be trouble ahead…’ appeared to be playing softly in the background somewhere.

But there will be an end to his process. I spoke with him at length about the use of a family mediator to assist he and his wife reach a financial settlement solution and create a co-parenting plan to use going forward rather than spending their life savings on legal fees. I talked with him about how, if he and his wife work together to bring this process to an end quickly, that it can all be over in less than 6 months and they both can get on with the process of healing.

I spoke with him about how speaking with a qualified professional therapist can help him (and his wife), remain child focused throughout the process and so minimise the kind of petty squabbling that sends the children of so many Family Lawyers to private school. Nobody wants to face a year or more of extended wrangling over money and/or children or feel those feelings of perpetual uncertainty. It was most likely hard enough to make the difficult decision to separate, and we spoke of the wisdom of not making it even harder still.

Speaking with a qualified therapist throughout this process, one who understands the nature of the family legal system and the process of your divorce can go a long way to helping you both find a way through this difficult time with as much or your savings, and dignity intact as possible. If you would like more information about how I may be able to assist you through your divorce process, please do call 01279 836647for a fully confidential, no obligation discussion of your needs.