Divorce… Its place amongst the Top 10 stressors

DivorceAny search of the internet for a list of stressful life events will yield a hundred different opinions as to exactly WHAT these are. Try it, if you have the time and inclination. You’ll find that there are literally hundreds of “Top 10” lists of life stressors. It’s hard to tell precisely where all this data is coming from or what agendas might be being served by each different list, but even if you disregard the differences, every Top 10 list you find has something in common. The word Divorce will be on it, and right up there within the top few.

Divorce (or separation for long term co-habitators) is a devastating event. The idea of losing the family group, the sudden lack of financial security, the loss of a companion who may have been a mainstay in your life for many years, worried children… the list of changes brought about by divorce is very long indeed.

As if all of the above changes aren’t bad enough, the average UK divorce costs between £12,000 and £25,000 per person. Yes yes, I know you will see Google listings claiming that you can get a DIY divorce online for £37.00 all in, but even a cursory search beyond that claim and you will find that those who are able to get a divorce for that amount are very far and few between.

By far, the most desirable outcome for a family about to be torn apart by divorce is to sit down and talk. Doing this without a trained professional to moderate the conversation may, of course not be possible. Having said that, regardless of whether you will ultimately divorce or get back together, having the opportunity to sit down and discuss the issues on the table will, on average, save most couples in the region of £15,000 – £20,000 – and that has to make the idea of speaking with a qualified professional worthwhile.

The right kind of trained professional will be able to assist those who wish to resolve their conflicts and remain together to do so. A few hours of difficult conversation however turns out to be the thing that not only saves you your savings, bu also the day and your marriage. In today’s world, most people have more than one marriage. Across my career as a professional couples therapist, I have been privileged to help several hundred couples have that second marriage with the same person. Ending a relationship and starting a new one doesn’t have to include divorce you see. It only means having the courage to end the relationship you’ve got, look at what you’d like to create, then utilise the assistance of an experienced professional to help you begin your second marriage (having learned all your mistakes already.

If you would like more information about avoiding a costly divorce, please feel free to contact me on 01279 834467 for a fully confidential, no obligation discussion of your needs.